Toronto the Good. Come for the clean streets, stay for Sunday Service.
Yep, Toronto the Good . As far as city slogans go it’s a hand-to-glove fit. Reminds one of the old wisecrack about Puritanism being “the haunting fear someone somewhere is having fun.”
Hyperbole you say? There are people in this town who recall a time when the playground swing-sets were locked away from use on Sundays, lest some wayward demon spawn take it upon himself to have fun on the christian sabbath. Repent sinner! Or how about Sunday shopping. When I moved here in 1990 the city had the feel of a Mormon town during a religious holiday each week. Don’t get me started on the liquor laws.
Don’t believe me? Ask any of the 10,000 plus transplanted Montrealers whose 1970’s exodus from the separatist Pharoah Leveque forced them to seek greener pastures in our fair city. The downtrodden and disenfranchised English-speakers from La belle province came in droves, searching for their proverbial Israel. They got Hogtown: a place of peace, order and good government - minus the fun, culture and good bagels.
It might’ve been the New Yorker that labeled Toronto as “like Manhattan, run by the Swiss.” I think that’s what my english prof called a left-handed compliment, might as well be direct and call us “Manhattan Lite”or “Zurich On Steroids.” It’s no wonder we have an inferiority complex, how else do you describe the construction of the world’s largest free standing phallic symbol: a case of overcompensation gone wild.
Toronto the Good. We didn’t get the olympics but didya hear we’re hosting the 2015 Pan-Am Games? No not the commonwealth one, Pan-Am games are for all the countries in North and South America. You might remember Winnipeg hosted it. Twice.
Hey don’t get me wrong, I’m not dumping on my beloved hometown. I’ve come to appreciate it’s restraint and ambivalence towards fun, especially now as I near 40. The protestant soul of this city is a carry over from it’s beginnings as a fledgling outpost of the British Empire, back when the Orange Order parade meant something. Like a chastity belt, Toronto’s cautious and prudent spirit serves as check on sin and debauchery and that’s not such a bad thing when you’re older.
Toronto the Good. Come for the clean streets, stay for the Sunday Service. If it’s fun you’re after go to Montreal.
